D's Unconditional Love

"Unconditional love is known as affection without any limitations, it can also be love without conditions. This term is sometimes associated with other terms such as true altruism, or complete love."

Yesterday, while I was looking for D because he went missing for awhile I saw him entering our gate.  My blood really came to my head, because he went out of the house again unnoticed. Call me OA, but with the news of kidnapping and crimes nowadays, I am really prohibiting D to go out of the house. Daddy R is even teasing me "paarawan mo naman anak mo!". But no, I do not want to take any risk. Anyway, back to the story, when I am about freak-out, he came to me with a puppy face and gave me these little santan flowers and said "I got this for you mom!" My heart melts, and my preggy hormones made me wanna cry again. 

I hugged, kissed and thank him for giving me the flowers, but I told him not to go out of the house again, even if to get me some flowers. Then I put the flowers on the table. Come night time, when we are about to sleep I saw the pieces of the same flowers on the floor, I asked him to move over because  I will clean the room. he got the red pieces of the flowers one by one asked me "You like red lang mommy? eto oh!, ayaw mo na ba flowers? Sira na oh, kukuhanan nailing kita ulet bukas okay?". I felt so guilty. I don't know what happened at nakakalat ung flowers, but I really intend to throw them na, because I thought it was a kalat, but to the eyes of my son, it a gift that I should keep. I was more even moved, because he didn't mind me throwing those flowers, he'll just get some again, he forgave me without me even asking. 

Getting pregnant with babyS, the hormones and the scorching heat and all other factors made me sometimes impatient with D. I remember during the time I wasn't aware that I was pregnant, I always spank D because of little things, I feel guilty after, but then I will do it when he misbehave again. I even justify my acts telling myself that I am the mother, and I need to discipline my son. And every after my monster moments, D will hug me, still love me and be with me like nothing happened. I am still breastfeeding D at night, just to comfort him, I admit I sometimes resent him, but at the end of the day, he will come to me and tell me "I miss you mommy! I will always love you" and will shower me with lots of kisses and hugs. 

The saying "mothers love their children unconditionally" is true, but after contemplating, I realized, Mother do really love their children unconditionally, because their children showed them how to. 

Today, I prayed to God to bless me and my family bags and sacks of patience for our little man. He maybe 3 1/2 years old, eager to explore, would like to try to be an adult, break the rules all the time and test our tempers to the limit, but he still a child that needs to feel all the love from us, especially from me. I also pray that I may be blessed with the capability to raise my kids with love, so they grow up knowing the true meaning of love. 

G, 

On Traveling and being Scared

Today marks my first travel (because of work) by plane for this year. This is not my first time, but this is the first time I felt so much scared riding an airplane. Like I wanna back-out, like I almost asked my superior to go instead and I almost prayed so hard na sana macancel and training.

Being a training offcer of my company took me to a lot of places in the Philippines, I enjoyed it and travelled to most cities I dreamt of week after week. But today is different, I am looking for the same excitement I usually feel every time I start packing my things, but its nowhere to be find. 

Yes, I arrived too early for my flight at the airport, but its because papa needs to drop me early to avoid traffic. But why am I so scared?

Is it because this is my first time to the place I am headed to? I should be more excited. 

Is it because the plane will be small? I think a bit. 

Is it because I will be doing two trainings simultaneously? Laziness. But I did three before. 

Okay, maybe its because I am now afraid of leaving D behind, afraid of the crashing airplanes, afraid of not be able to go back and hug R and D. I have my insurances placed, but hey I have so many plans and so young. OA I know, but is it bad to be scared? Doest it make me less of a person? Oh well someone tell me what I feel is normal. 

Afraid and scared

G, 

P.S. As of the posting time, I arrived safe and complete here in Naga. I typed the draft while waiting at the airport. I am here, it is a beautiful city and I can't wait to explore it.