Bye Buddy!

I totally don't know what to feel this morning when I left the house without my ever reliable milk expressing breast pump. I feel happy that finally I don't need to endure the tiring milk expressing session with my ever trusted manual pump during breaks, no need to "moment time", no interruption in between my work, no worrying about unfrozen ice-packs, no hassle of carrying the insulated bag and most of all I can now go home late without the worry that my freshly expressed milk getting spoiled.  So after 2 years, I can now go back to my daily routine, but I will surely miss my milking buddy, really served me well. 

So this is the feeling? Like all other working breast feeding mothers feel during the transition in weaning, bittersweet. But as I mentioned in my earlier post about weaning D, I already decided to do it with justifiable reasons. Although he's not yet completely weaned, we are getting there slowly. This week, he didn't ask for "dede" during daytime. Even if asked if he wanted "dede" or "milo" he will choose "milo", very good boy! he understood that he already turned 2 years old and as we agreed "no more dede na, milo nalang and juice". But he still nurse the whole night, so I decided to stop expressing milk in during work to reserve it during nighttime, no one drinks my expressed milk anyway. So this is it, baby D is now a little boy. hay... 

Dear Buddy, 

Thank you for making my breast feeding journey successful. You served me well, and as I bid goodbye to you now, hopefully we will be together with baby no.2! lol. You may not be as user friendly as others do, but you are the best buddy for me. You made our life easy by helping me provide D with the liquid gold even if we are in Davao, Baguio, Sofitel, Manila Hotel, Dipolog and Aklan. You are one of the accomplish why D grew-up healthy and active. Together we provided D with the best nourishment he needed. Thank you very much for helping me provide D the best thing that a mother can do, breastmilk. 

'Till we tandem again buddy, 

G, 

On Weaning D

Over the holidays, when we meet our relatives they have the same comments for D:

"Anlaki mo na D, awat na" 
"D, dapat no more dede ka na" 
"Lagyan mo ng sili yan para maawat na, para kumain ng kanin, tataba yan!"

And I am also conditioning D, I talk to him and I always say;

"D, kapag 2 years old ka na no more dede okay? drink nalang milk, milo, eat hotdog, rice, gulay, okay?"

sometimes D will say "Okay!" sometimes he will say "Ayaw!"

And now 11days before his birthday, I am bittersweet in weaning him. I mentioned before that I will try to nurse D as long as he wants. And I still want to, but there are some valid reasons why I am considering weaning him this early. 

He's not weaning into solids. When D turned 1 year old, he's 10 kilos, and now that he's turning 2 years old, he's still 10 kilos. I not worried though, kasi he's very active and healthy naman. Our pedia said he's not malnourished, he's healthy so nothing to worry about since he's breastfeed naman. The problem is that ayaw niya kumain ng rice whenever I am around because of "dede". We all know that even breastmilk is the best milk, there are nutrients that a growing (and hyper child) needed that mommy's milk cannot provide. 

He's getting so dependent with me. For reasons that I want D to grow up independent. I love how D calls mommy everytime he needed me for dede. I love how we snuggle and hug at night, especially ngaun na malamig. I love how I can kiss D everytime he nurses at hand lang. Pero I want my little boy to grow as a tough man. I have to let go. 

Sigmund Freud, Psychosexual Development. This is an offshoot of my weekend classes. Malaki ang bilib ko sa theory ni pareng freud na yan. He says that each stages of development needs to be resolved, otherwise child will be fixated. D is still in the ORAL stage, and the main challenge is weaning. I don't want the effect of fixation in ORAL for baby D. Being talkative and overly vocal is not the trait suited for a man. 

Tiredness. Yeah. Katamaran. For two years, I am expressing milk 5 days a week and minimum of 3 times a day using a manual pump. I know I once said that I will never get tired for baby D, but come on! I think I did the best for 2 years for baby D, who is know a little boy. I want my life back. I want my body back. And daddy R wanted my body back also chos! Kidding aside, I wanted a normal life again before having baby number 2. Ayayay!

So there, I think I have enough reasons for weaning D. I already justified the reasons, but I am still having second thoughts. I will miss baby D's clinginess. And I am also afraid baka lumayo ang loob sa akin ni baby when we stop nursing since I am a working mom and I will travel a lot this year. I don't want that. But I want D to grow up. Dilemma. 

What will I do?!