Realizations and Love

(photo grabbed from http://askdrnicole.com/a-mothers-love-endures/)

My baby Baby Center app says I am now 39 weeks and I have one day to go before the my due date. Weeks before today, I have always talked to summer to come out already, that everything is ready, we are all ready for her, but last night I realized that deep inside I am the one who is not ready. Since day 1 I knew I was pregnant, I am very vocal about my hesitations, my fears and apprehensions. As I thought I could get over all those ghosts through the nine months and much more prayers, I realized that no one and nothing can help me overcome my fears but myself. 

Last night, I cried a lot. I don't know if it must be hormones again, but reality awakened me. For the whole nine months of carrying babyS, I was too selfish to give her my full love and attention. I focused on my fears, my ambitions, my what ifs, my self plans and sacrificing my time with kuya D. I am always not ready for her because I am pre-occupied with a lot of things, afraid of the labor pains, without realizing that special gift inside me also needed me, my complete attention, my unconditional love and most importantly a mother's love. 

I realized that it is not enough for babyS to receive complete medical care for the whole 9 months, that I never missed my lab tests, vitamins and other exams but my little miss also needed and can sense my readiness for her. I was too selfish for telling her before to come out when I am ready, to come out when daddy R is her and telling her a lot of conditions before she come out. I am too selfish for asking her to delay everything because I no longer wanted to endure long hours at the labor room. For always requesting her to make everything easy for me, without even worrying if everything will be alright to my little one. God made me a mother again, because He knew I can do it, I can manage everything and yet I cannot accept how much I am blessed with another angel. 

I am so sorry for my baby for I am too selfish as a mother. I know, either today or tomorrow I will hold her into my arms. And this time, I will not waste anytime to show her how much mommy loved her, how much I am blessed to have her as a blessing in our lives. And hopefully, when she reads this in the future she'll know how much she taught mommy the true meaning of love even before she come out of the world. 

I love you so much babyS, and mommy now is ready to endure all the pains for you. 

Mommy G, 

My Journey

BabyS our ray of sunshine in my tummy, from 16weeks to 37weeks. 

As the famous line says, "What a journey it has been" I am now a bit nostalgic, sentimental and madrama! I survived 9 months of endless CR breaks, acid reflux and backache and all other things brought by the preggy hormones. But my life's mantra is "this will all pass" and true enough, halos hindi ko namalayan, I am about to give birth na! 

As I type this post, I am now 2-3 cm dilated and 50% effaced, I may not know what that exactly means in medical terms, but I know baby summer is so coming very soon! And I am so excited at the same time nervous for the big day. 

I will miss the priority lanes, the duck like walking, the little movements in my tummy, the adoring look of daddy R, my chubby fingers, feet and toes, and a lot more! But I wouldn't trade it for a baby's smell.

It may be a rough journey, I can't say I completely ready for baby summer but I can do it. 

Please join us in praying for a safe and healthy delivery. 

Mommy G,  

7 days a SAHM

Today marks my 7th day as a stay-at-home-mom. I took my early leave last week to maximize my unused SLs and VL and to prepare for baby Summer's arrival and spend time with kuya D as well.

Last days was full of different emotions, excitement, bliss that I had to spend more time with D, some nervousness and worries if baby summer is still okay. But I am lifting everything to His will.

I may have limited time to be a SAHM, but I am so grateful for the days I spend with D, for myself, and hopefully with Summer and daddy R before I went back to the corporate jungle again.

For the past days, I enjoy waking up with no alarm, snuggling with D. I also love the idea of no schedules to follow, I can nap whenever I want, I can eat anytime I want, I can watch and read anytime I want. Yes, I have having a great time being a SAHM.

This last week is also the longest time I spent with D since I got pregnant with S. Most of the time kasi I was too tired to play and talk to him because of work and pregnancy hormones. These past weeks I felt that we are lot closer to each other, we shared lots of hugs, cuddles, tickles and kisses. I literally spend most of the nights staring at him as he succumbed to sleep. I am so blessed to be loved by my little man. Daddy R would tease me about enjoying D's sweetness na mana daw sa kanya haha.

I also had time to clean our room, set up Summer's crib and arrange all her things. I am also also planning to throw all my life's trash haha as in all the aning anings I accumulated in the past years. Staying a home provided me time to organize my life lol.

So practically, everything is ready for Summer's arrival, yun lang I feel that it is me who is not yet completely ready. I need daddy R to be with me. I am not ready for the pain, but I am convincing myself that I did it with D so I can bear it again. I am also doubting myself if I am ready to be a mom of two kids, how will I manage my time and if I can really love them equally. But I am getting there, slowly as Summer is also preparing for her arrival.

As I count the days to my due date, where I have no choice but to have myself induced, I will enjoy my remaining days with D alone. And with prayers for a smooth, safe and healthy delivery.

Pray with me in this journey please?

G,

Superman's Trick or Treat 2015!

Since I am about to pop, we missed the travel to the province this All Saints Day, we usually go home  to the province to visit our departed loved ones. But as my OB said, "madami pang long weekends and holidays na darating. Stay at home muna for you and your baby's safety." Okay! so we stayed at home, and visit the mall nalang lol. 

And because in the province hindi uso ang halloween parties and costumes, D never experience it before. But don't get me wrong, masaya naman magbakasyon sa province, kumain, maglaro at dumalaw sa cemetery. It is actually a mini reunion pa nga. I miss the gang there, pero as the famous line says, "Everything happens for a reason", so we stayed in the city, medyo boring, but D experienced his first "Spooky Halloween Trick or Treat". I know ang haba ng title, si D ang nag-coin niyan. 

And because I was too lazy to move around, I actually never planned on joining any party, I also didn't prepared his costume. But the recycled superman costume that I bought in Divisoria for P250 was still a hit to my darling boy, so he's Superman! we bought the spider man mask at ocean park, he chooses it so hayaan na! We have D as the Super Spider Man! lol! And just joined free trick or treat party at the village and at SM Mall. Nakakapagod, but it is actually fun! I let D enjoyed all the candies he got, pinaghirapan niya yan kakasigaw ng "Trick or Treat!" haha, but the poor little man suffered toothache after. 

Trick or Treat at the Village. Actually, since it was initiated by the church, dapat saints and costume. Pero we are pasaway, haha bata naman!

SM Trick or Treat. He's so happy to see his fellow superheroes.

And when halloween party mixed with Santa. Hindi nakapagpigil si D na panic kay Santa. Lol

And because D saw other kids with the bongga make-up and costumes, he decided to make himself a zombie using Lola's Lipsticks. Haha and again roamed again in out street to do some last minute trick or treat. lol

So now, D can't decide whether he will be Batman or Papa Drack, or a Zombie next year. So I have 365 days to prepare! But he said, Baby Summer will be a baby princess. Sana hindi na naman ako magcram!

Mommy G,