Separation Anxiety

This was taken this morning, 9th day of workday in 2015 and D's 9th day of crying drama every morning I leave for work. He's clinging into my uniform and asking me not to wear it and get my everyday clothes instead. Breaks my heart, I want to sit with him and hug him. I want to give in to his request of sleeping again and snuggle each other the whole day. But I need to go back to reality, to work, and to chase my dreams for myself and for our family. 

This is not the first time D behaves like this. He do this everytime I am at home or when we go to La Union or in Pampanga or in different environment. In three years I became his security blanket, Oh well actually nursing with me became his security blanket. 

But he's a pre-schooler now and we need to help him outgrow his separation anxiety. And I don't want him to be Mama's boy. Daddy R asked me what to do, and as usual I asked Mr. Google and my trusty baby concerns source website Baby Center. They have a list on what to do when separation anxiety strikes. We are still in the process of limiting crying dramas, we are on trial and error mode but we are getting there. So you might pick-up something from these tips that worked for us. 

1. Wave bye-bye when you leave. It is a must to us to kiss each other whenever we leave for work. But I usually forget to wave bye-bye or even look back to him. Its heartbreaking for me and sometimes I just tell myself, "I'm doing this for D, so I need to be strong". Yes, may gunun na drama araw-araw. So now I need to make sure I bid bye to D. 

"It's a simple tactic but one that many parents ignore. Instead, fearing the wrath of their toddler, they try to sneak out of the house while he's otherwise engaged. Big mistake. This approach may save you the pain of watching your child cry, but it can actually make his separation anxiety more severe. If your child thinks you might disappear at any given moment without notice, he's not going to let you out of his sight. This also goes for nighttime departures. Some parents try to avoid the whole ordeal by putting their child down for the night before the babysitter arrives. That's all well and good — if he doesn't wake up. But suppose he does. You don't want him surprised — and possibly terrified — to wake up and find you gone."

2. Help your child look ahead. Sometimes, no matter how hard we explain to our child that we need to leave for work so we can provide him with food etc... their young minds cannot comprehend yet, but never quit trying. As D grew up, he's getting accustomed with daddy D leaving for Baguio to work, and me at the office. But then there are times that he can't absorb so I usually result to "pasalubongs stories". It works for sometime, but it became magastos and made D wait for the present other than me. So talk directly and honestly to your child, they can understand. Just be patient. 

"Although your child's ability to communicate is still hindered by his limited vocabulary, he understands much more than he can say. So prepare him for your departure by talking about the event ahead of time. Make sure your child knows where you are going and when you'll be back. You may also want to give him details, such as who will be watching him and what sort of activities he can look forward to doing. To that end, it's also important to talk about your child's sitter with great enthusiasm. Your child looks to you for reassurance, and if you say things like "I think Bella is so much fun, don't you?" he'll be inclined to agree. To gauge how much of your conversation he's absorbing, follow up with simple questions like "Where are Mommy and Daddy going?" or "Who's going to watch Kenny while Mommy and Daddy go to dinner?"."

3. Look on the sunny side. I also suffer separation anxiety, the emotions of leaving a wailing and crying baby must be also radiating with D so he's so dramatic every time I leave. Telling D the activities that we will do when I got home sometimes works, but I should be careful, D always remembers. lol

"Separation anxiety isn't merely a toddler thing — you may not be thrilled by the prospect of leaving either. But if you let your apprehension show, your child's almost certain to pick up on it. Besides, a dramatic farewell will just validate your child's feelings of insecurity. So try to stay calm and positive — even if he's hysterical. Talk to him evenly and reassure him that you'll be back soon. To keep the situation light, try adopting a silly parting phrase such as "See you later, alligator" or your own made-up alternative. Getting your child in the habit of responding with "After a while, crocodile" will also help serve as a distraction."

4. Head out at the same time. This we do ever since, and I think pretty worked for us because D actually see us leaving, never hiding somewhere. What I learned as I remember from my childhood is to always tell the kids the truth. So if you are leaving, no matter how they cry, tell them anyway, they will eventually understand and cope with it. 

"Good-byes are always easier when it's your child who does the exiting. Instead of you leaving him behind, have the babysitter take him for a quick trip to the park or out for a stroll as you head out the door. Make sure your child understands that you're going out as well. Otherwise he'll be doubly upset when he returns to find the house empty."

There are lots of tips and advices that you can get from the internet, chat groups and from your friends but always remember that these tips are hits and miss, trial and error and depends on your family. 

Good luck to us. 

G,